No Smack Talking
Ordinarily, this blog is not intended for smack talking, windups, bollocks, or $hit stirring. Today however, K-Dogg, well known to many of you who race Ultra CX and read this blog, began talking rubbish concerning this evening’s “Worlds” dirt / limerock / sand training ride.
Email Transcripts (in order):
- Scott – “Can we avoid the “Sand Pit of Death”, I don’t want Kerry to get hurt before this weekend :-)”
- K-Dogg – “I’ll be there and I’m expecting some elder abuse from y’all. I vote long and hard route, i.e. Flappalacians. Don’t want to hear no whinging about knackered legs from the weekend.”
- Dr Pain – “No, Kerry specifically asked me to hurt him again tonight. Unless it is for research purposes, I don’t make fine distinctions about the kind of pain to inflict upon him.”
- K-Dogg – “Thanks Scott… I want pain, not injury – physical, emotional or otherwise.”
- Dr Pain – “I will be following orders from K-Dogg and attacking him mercilessly as directed. If he tries the “Flounder-Dogg” approach of “sand-checking” me by squatting in the front on sand sections, I will be inflicting a different kind of pain.”
- Email between JOM and Dr Pain – Dr Pain – “Yes, let’s have some fun with him. I don’t know what kind of legs I will have, but I know I will have tires for sand. He admitted that you and I just rode him off our wheels on the next to last limerock section last week. Let’s do it again.”
- JOM – “Excellent. I’m bringing the beast bike this evening.”
- Dr Pain – “I won’t drag him back to you. You make him chase me. We can team up and ride away together. If he attacks we take turns bringing him back.”
- JOM – “10-4. I like this plan a lot.”
There were many other cheeky comments that are too rude to share with the viewing public, but the stage was set for the “GCX Worlds Beatdown on K-Dogg.”
Seven hardy cyclists appeared at the ride start, for tonight’s 34 miles dirt, limerock and sand-fest. Unfortunately, we bid farewell to two of the riders, before any true training ride hostilities began. Antje’s rear tubie suffered an explosive meltown courtesy of a large rock, and Jimbo’s untested Dodgey Brothers light fell off the bars… and his helmet. Thankfully, these mishaps happened early in the ride, and both riders made it home safely.
Rude ride hostilities began immediately afterwards.
K-Dogg finished pulling a turn on Sector One, and was attacked immediately by JOM. Once JOM was reeled in by K-Dogg or the other two (Chris and Scott), Dr Pain counterattacked.
This non stop pattern of sitting on K-Dogg, forcing him to chase, then attacking and working him over, happened on every limerock section.
It wasn’t until Dr Pain and JOM both put K-Dogg into the deep sand line on Sector Two, did he realize there was a coalition between the two riders. What a dumb arse 😆
In K-Dogg’s defense, he rode strongly all night, and has improved his skills in the sand markedly. Granted, he has bigger tyres on his bike these days (Clement X’Plore MSO’s in 40mm, configured tubeless). I wonder if he realizes you need to refill the spooge periodically?
K-Dogg’s most impressive riding was on Sector Three. After being brutalized by Dr Pain and JOM in the deepest of the sand, the Dogg clawed his way back, and proved he’s a 59yo bloke who really knows how to suffer.
There’s a reason the Dogg wins races.
Eventually however, the Dogg would crack. It happened on Sector Four. After being forced to chase Dr Pain yet again, JOM sat his wheel, and snapped him on the sharp climb to the Antioch cemetery. JOM almost chundered, but held it together, and enjoyed a shallow victory. The other two lads on the ride, Chris and Scott, both rode very well, but sometimes wondered WTF was going on.
All in all, a fabulous evening of intervals, dirt and limerock. We sincerely hope K-Dogg got what he was looking for.
One thought on “Training Ride 101 – BBQ Dogg”
Yes, you two were very kind to dish out a heaping helping of elder abuse. It really helps my training. Can’t make myself go that hard solo. Jayson, I actually did suspect you two were two-timing me. I would have been giggling if I could spare the oxygen. It was amazing to see the Mudd brothers actually working together (for evil) rather than your usual bickering and selfish behavior toward each other.
With friends like you………..
Dr. Pain you will never tempt me into the sandpit of death in a non-race situation.
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